DRUMROLL plz?

Okay so here is the recent stories I am writing (because how can I right just one at a time?)
font it a bit weird ;/
First is Snow White contest one, please comment on anything in your opinion that should be changed!
Second my favorite novela that I hath written. or is it wrote? grammar. Well, here it goes!
NOTE title may change as I have yet to make up my mind

The Undoing of an Apple

Snow pumped her legs faster, dodging and weaving between the trees and rock-strewn territory, nimble as a mountain goat.  Faster!  She thought leaping a small creek at full speed.  Her foot skidded in the mud; she was sprawled out onto her back in the ice-cold water.  The water was shocking but felt terrific during this summer heat.  She had to get up before it got to her!  Too late, the creature was already upon her, ready to spring and devour- baa!

“Lucy!  You’re supposed to be pretending to be a poor soul coming after me, hopeful that once it has a mortals’ soul will be able to be finally at peace.  You’re supposed to be terrifying-”

Baa!  A small white goat interrupted her and affectionately began to nimble at her masters’ hair.

“All right, you win, enough pretend for one day.  It’s getting late we should probably get back to the house.”

Lucy, careful not to get a hoof wet, jumped across the creek and waited for her master to follow.  Snow got up and wringed out her waist length black, slightly curled hair.

“If only these trees could come alive.  We could sing, dance and talk together,” she said dreamily aloud.  Aunt had told her stories of when such things happened but also why they never came out.  An evil force called the Mirs forced them to retreat into the roots of their tree homes, sleeping until the evil time was over.  Or so aunt said.  Baa!  Lucy crow hopped along the narrow goat path.  Sighing, Snow flung her damp hair behind her and trudged along the pathway.  Fingering a lock of her hair while walking, she gazed up into the sky.

“How few look up at the sky compared to the many that keep their eyes on the ground.”  Lucy baaed, adding her own opinion, that, the tastier things were on the ground.  Snow started running down the small path to the house, Lucy at her side.  As Snow neared the house which was shabbily built she saw her aunt lying at the threshold of their front door. Why was she lying down?  Kneeling by her aunt’s side, brushing back a lock of dark brown hair, Snow didn’t know what to do; her aunt was foaming at the mouth and twisting in pain.  Snow broke down crying, as her aunt tried to talk.

“Nev-never f-f-forget……. L-love, who you are, things are, are about to change- be you.”

Aunt stopped moving, her eyes cast heavenward a slight smile on her face.  Sobs racked Snow’s body, tears rushing down, hugging her aunt for the last time.  Aunt was the only person she knew where would she go?  Lucy lay down beside aunt knowing something really wrong happened. 

Drawing herself together she choked out a hoarse whisper in her aunts’ ear, “I am Snow, princess of Isgare, daughter of a valiant king and queen who fought bravely to keep their kingdom from the evil wiles of the king of Aasiatt.  My parents were gifted, as am I, we are marked with our gifts, they are our burden to carry as well as our joy.  I will never forget who I am.”  

yes I love cliffhangers;)

A lot of kinks in this one...

2062                                          The Mark of the Peacock                                                  

 Standing in a single file line, Luna was next.  The line was there for people who wanted jobs; there was almost always a line now that Dasan V was ruling.  Dasan was a greedy and ruthless king; rumor had it that he wanted to start an army of forever young and agile youth to conquer America.  Since the Nuclear War between the nations, American had been in ruins: their government going haywire.  The country in which Dasan ruled in is called Greenland, which was neutral for the most part during the war.  It was mostly cold there and continued growing colder since winter was nearly on their doorstep.  At least 10 people were in front of Luna, so she took this time to remember what drove her to the job seeking line.

11 years before

It was a nice warm day which was unusual for March but 9 year old Luna didn't care.  She was happily skipping along the wind whipped grass while she played with her parents.  Today was her birthday; they were taking the long walk to the store, they were going to pick up the cake at the bakery.  Her dad went into the general store while Luna and her mother went to the bakery; her dad had to pick up a present.  When they met in the middle of the square of the town, her dad looked worried.  “What’s troubling you?” asked Luna’s mother while they walked back to their house.  Without saying a word, he handed her a two paged piece of paper which look like an edict from the newly crowned king Dasan. 

By order of King Dasan,

Anyone who fails to speak English shall be tortured and put to death.  If you hear someone speak in a different language and will not tell the authorities you will suffer the same fate.  If someone is found with a firearm, they shall pay the same price.  Due to low income, there will be no cars, airplanes, buses or electrical\battery powered devices.  You will have ten days to rid yourselves of these items.  You may dispose of them when my metal truck visits your town.  You will have 10 days to drop these things off when my metal truck comes through.  I will distribute things such as scissors, needles; cooking pots etc after all metal is collected.  My soldiers will search every property and house to find these hereby forbidden things.  If anyone is found in possessions of one of the things, then I shall personally torture and kill the traitor and the family myself.  If there is any uprising you shall be quieted.

I, herby pass this as the law.

Dasan V

Luna’s mother gasped and almost fainted.  Seeing her mother in such a terrible state.  Luna asked her mother what was wrong.  Her parent couldn’t hide or shield her from the new laws, so they told the news to their beloved daughter. 

Exactly one year had passed and Luna and her family had begun to adapt to life without electricity, cars or anything with batteries. Indeed, many villages rebelled against the totalitarianism of Dasan.  Exactly a year after the first edict one was released, a second one also came out.

My subjects,

To keep track of payments, whose family and more necessary information, of an individual, I have written another law.  I hereby command a tattoo to be given to each person who is under my reign of power.  I am setting up stations in each village to give this tattoo.  If you are but a humble peasant you shall receive a tattoo that resembles the face of a dog.  If you are not a peasant than you shall receive a mark, head of a peacock.  If you are royalty you are to be given the whole animal of the peacock.  Each tattoo is different; this will avoid confusion between classes.  The tattoo is given to children if they are 2 years or older.  If anyone does not obey this command I shall set fire to that entire village except those with the tattoo.

I hereby pass this as the law,

Dasan V

 Luna had never seen her parents so angry.  Every single person in Luna’s village rebelled against this law.  Luna didn’t see what was wrong.  It was just a picture of a dog.  When she asked her parents why they were rebelling, they said that they had taken an oath.  Luna immediately wanted to take the oath too; her parents agreed, and decided to allow their daughter to take the oath, that night.  “I, Luna Cozar, take an oath that no mark or any such thing that God had not given me by birth shall not be on my body.  Nothing can undo what I have just said and I will face death if need be than to violate my oath.”  Her parents started crying when Luna had finished.  After she had taken her oath she went to bed wondering why she felt so different than before she had taken the oath.  Then it happened.  Dasan attacked her village a year exactly after the second edict, without warning.  She could still hear the wailing of children taken away from their parents and killed before their very eyes.  They dragged the children to a large cart that had iron bars and a door and thrown them inside.  POUND!  POUND!  THUD!  The guards were trying to bust down Luna’s door.  “Take this, may the watch guide you and the locket protect you.”  Her mother whispered to Luna shoving her father’s watch and her own locket that they had kept despite the ban.  Showing their daughter where to step, they made her climb a post that held up the house which was connected to a large beam.  For reasons unknown to Luna, her parents did not join her upon that rafter but instead, let the guards bust down the door and find them.  She lay on her belly first on the rough wooden rafter watching silently in agony to see what was to become of her parents.  She bit her lip and it began to bleed.  Dasan appeared among the guards.  Dressed in black, he drew his sword and spoke to her parents not in English.  Luckily, Luna’s parents taught her every language they knew despite the law, “Weird though, that Dasan would break his own law.”  Thought Luna to herself, trying to hear what Dasan was saying, but due to the height of the rafters she could only catch snippets since she was up so high.  “Albert!  Why are you doing this?  Are we not your family?”  Luna’s mother asked.  These questions seemed to make Dasan even more angry and violent.  Luna nearly gasped when her mother said this.  They were related to Dasan!  “Receive the mark or I will be forced to kill you.”  Growled Dasan angrily, “You know what you must do!”  Cried her parents faithfully, holding each other.  Gritting his teeth, Dasan lunged, finishing them both.  Luna bit her lip hard to keep from screaming out of anger.  Leaving her parents crumpled on the ground, Dasan turned to the guards.  “Take all the children, kill their parents, burn every home but this one.”  He ordered in English, stepping out the door and onto a horse, riding it back into the night.  Luna stayed up on the rafter until the sun rose; even then she still wasn’t convinced they were gone.  She couldn’t bear to look at her parents, so she stood in the doorway, watching the plumes of smoke rising from the ashes of houses.  This had to be the worst birthday ever.  Why would Dasan keep doing edicts and end up killing her people on her birthday?  Those were her last thoughts before she ran, far away from the massacre.